Fear is normal until it takes control.

September 21, 2017

Last night my sister shared her first kiss with me! I relived a thirteen year olds first kiss through pages in her diary. The intro was similar to "Everything has been happening so fast I haven't had any me time to share what's been going on." Her descriptive entry answered all of my who, what, where, when and why questions. Which led me to nervousness, excitement, curiosity and all the other feelings of a teenage girl. At one point I asked myself, was I this excited about my first kiss?! I'm proud of my sister not only for taking a risk but also feeling comfortable to share an epic moment in life! 

I finally watched Girls Trip this last Tuesday! Yes I went to artegon! Yes it was $5.96! I refuse to watch a movie without my seat reclined in the theatre now. (Jalepenos and popcorn make a great team) Pretending played a major role in the movie. Pretending to be in love, pretending to have a wonderful marriage, pretending to be okay settling for less. The main character discussed the feeling of fear towards the ending. She was terrified to face the music considering she could be alone. It's easier to go through the motions of life with someone by your side. To comfort you and guide you in times of need. But if you're being untruthful with yourself who wins? If your partner continuously  disrespects you and treats you less than what you're worth who are you fooling? She mentioned not being able to pretend anymore once she was surrounded by close friends that care for her well being. No matter how hard she tried to put the front she couldn't deny the fact that they knew she wasn't happy. You cant hide from people that know you.

One of the hardest moments in my life was accepting a general being welcomed home from God. Hearing the news I felt paralyzed but I had one friend in mind I knew I had to call. As the date came closer to her funeral I had nothing but fear in my mind and heart. It was the first time I lost someone I loved, I had no idea what to expect. When her service began the feeling of fear vanished from me. The room was full of love and hope. Acceptance that our friend wasn't in the casket. She's in heaven with God watching over all of us like the angel she is. Grief that transforms into depression is from the devil. I was lucky enough for her to touch my life before she left this Earth. God needed her angel face for all of heaven to see! I can't wait until the day we meet again. RIP Alexis Walker.

Hope. The only emotion stronger than fear. We're afraid of situations happening to us, the ones we love. If you struggle with letting fear hold you back it's time to pull yourself out of that slump. Once you realize no one can control your fear besides you, risk taking will no longer feel detrimental. Whether your fear stems from kissing your crush, changing your career field or asking for a helping hand to get your vision to the next level. Sometimes all it takes is a friend to remind us the worst thing that can happen is they'll say no! How will you know the outcome if you continuously allow fear to control your decisions? Every obstacle is a opportunity! Nothing worthy having comes easy. 

 

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