Biting the dust.

February 6, 2018

I spread the poster across the table that listed all the out and proud lesbians I knew. No morse code in sight describing the chart. A name circled with a line connecting who they've had relations with. Apparently flings deserve the same acknowledgement as relationships back then. Do I agree today? No. In efforts to keep the chart updated I connected lines to my own name. Imagining the conversation and responses if we were all within the same four walls. Promiscuous girls and the more reserved were easily separated. Your hand fell on my shoulder making its way down my hands.


The drinking was casual until shots glasses came out. I envision revenge sex like a sauna. Steamy, sticky, cleansing. Let alone impressive how long you're lasting. There must be a balance between imagining their face when they find out and your own curiosity whether they're better than you in bed. Attentive to the gaze in your eyes, time was frozen. Your charm is effortless but captivating. No wonder why everyone wants you and I know you want them to. It's impossible to make rational decisions while we're filled with jealousy and alcohol. In reality, we're using an abundance of energy to ensure this person experiences pain. Is it worth it?


I sent a group text "Do you care if you and your friends sleep with the same people?"

A wave of responses from the guys flooded my inbox. "Is she a licentious? If she is I don't mind sharing. Did my friend love her? If she's considering hooking up with my friends something isn't right. It all depends on her. Why are you about to hook up with a friends ex?" Reminding myself of your track record and selfish ways I should grab my belongings and go home. Here I am, in your house debating if I want to hook up. My girl friends gave me answers I anticipated. "Are we close friends or acquaintances? If it's an acquaintance I don't have an issue however, sleeping with a close friends ex is forbidden. Basic girl code you don't do it." I avoided mirrors until I got out the shower. "What has become of me?" Yet again, I managed to put myself in a position I criticized other people about.


I agree with my girlfriends on keeping your distance with a close friends ex. We can tell the difference between a crush and someone we want to build a future with. Do we have a say in who we connect with? Our hearts have a mind of its own as well as our conscious. I've never been in the predicament of wanting to build a life with a friends ex. However leaving the friend zone to have a good time was a thought occasionally. When I asked for advice I got the cliché you can never go wrong with "Would you like if it was done to you?" My conscious yelled "Hell no!" "Do you guys connect on an intimate level? Like you want to build a future with this person? If so, I would tell your friend before he heard from someone else. What you don't want to do is ruin years of friendship over a girl that may not be in your life months from now." After accepting I only wanted to have a good time I let my imagination run wild. You don't notice how small the world is until you find out who has slept with who. What I can tell you is there are 7.6 billion people on Earth. Real friends stay away from your ex. 







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