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March 6, 2018

Staring at my fingers due to boredom I questioned the diagonal line on my left index finger. I've never been rushed to the ER, I learned from my brothers mistakes. I asked my mom if anything happened to me. Turns out I've gotten stitches before!  I flipped over the lid on a can of corn with my finger. Three years old and opening the refrigerator like I can serve myself. Blood was running down my arm while I was eating the corn with my fingers. My moms first instinct was to call my grandma crying asking for support at the hospital. I've always wondered about my obsession with corn. Even today I prefer it straight out the can, at least I'm getting my fiber.


Before my mothers wedding I've only attended one, I was the flower girl at my aunts wedding sixteen years ago. Since it's traditional to look identical I had no say about a clip on curly wig for my ponytail. My mom wrapped it in circles around my hair tie. Tucking it under using bobby pins I was ready to jump in the limo. The hair felt like hay and was longer than curtains. After gracing the isle my job was done and I was back to regular scheduled programming. At 6 years old it was running around with my brother and cousins. I slipped and noticed my Cinderella ponytail was unraveling. I pulled it off and left it on a table. The flower girl was officially clocked out.


In Brigantine, Shark Park is Disneyland. A park built with dark brown wood, a field of bright green grass, merry go round and tire swings. We arrived mid day and stayed until the sun began setting. On the swings a stomach ache took over me, dragging my feet on the mulch I looked both ways for a restroom. With nothing in sight I took matters into my own hands and pushed until the ache made it's way out of my rear end. I wonder if my brother or cousins smelled it around me. The walk home was never ending let alone uncomfortable due to the mudslide on my underwear. By the time I got to my grandmas house it transformed into a brick and believe it or not I wasn't sure if I'd be able to look at myself in the mirror. That was the first pair of underwear I threw away until I woke up with my menstrual cycle for the first time.


Once I got the approval from my mom to shave my legs I felt it necessary to have my legs smooth and hairless forever. My hairs are dark and noticeable so at a young age I was insecure about wearing shorts without shaving. Even the short hairs you get while they're growing back bothered me. A random beach trip was announced during dinner so I decided to shave the morning of. I threw my bathing suit on in the morning and began shaving my legs and armpits. We arrived bright and early ready to soak up the sun. It only took seconds for the sand to irritate my skin. The pain was unbearable by the time I threw my body into the water. 


I wasn't the child to sneak people inside my house, like I mentioned previously I learned from my brothers mistakes. Freshman year I was interested in the rebel lifestyle. My mom was going out with a friend and I asked if I could invite a friend over. Without a second to think about it she yelled no. Threatening she'd find out if I disobeyed her rules I disagreed. As soon as she left the plan was in motion, my brother was the lookout. My guest was allowed in my room and the bathroom if necessary. The next day my mom asked me if anyone was inside the house.. I lied. She asked again and I lied, again. She then told me my youngest sister spilled the beans. Hello being grounded.


There is a time to go after what we want in life. The corn was to get stitches for! I should ask my aunt why I was obligated to wear those hair extensions. There is a time and place for wigs and on a 6 year old at a wedding is neither. When it comes to my bathroom emergency we all know when it's the right place.. the time is the tricky part. In my opinion 24 hours is enough time for your freshly shaved legs to breathe before the beach. There is a time and place for you to spend quality time with your lover. There is a time and place for everything besides when it comes to love.. no one knows what's next.




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